Notes from the T-E-N Conference

The following is a copy of the notes I made from the T-E-N Conference held in Phoenix, February, 1998. The theme of the conference was Choices! I include it here because it has good ideas on the choices we need to make when finding a mate, no matter what flavor we are.

We flew in late Thursday Night. Friday I was nursing a cold, so I hung around the hotel while David and Bobby took an extended tour of Phoenix.

Friday night was the first meeting of the Conference. The speaker, Pastor Ray McCrary, talked to the pastors in the audience and spoke about burnout and frustration. You know, we get tired and don't always want to go to church. Pastors get tired, too. They get frustrated with their flocks and, sometimes, they just want to throw in the towel and walk away. Ray spoke to those issues and invited the pastors forward who wanted prayer. Many came forward.

Friday night was also the first of our Praise and Worship services. It's fun to get together 200 people who love the Lord, have devoted themselves to him, and don't care what the "world" thinks. There was prophecy, tongues and interpretations, and lots and lots of singing -- and more than that. You know the cooing sounds you make to your partner when you're in love, all warm and cuddly. Or when you're so in love, you just want to dance for joy. It was like that here. A whole bunch of people in love with God and showing that love with praises, clapping, jumping and singing.

Saturday started with a morning Praise Service, sort of picking up where we left off Friday night. We learned in that service that silence is OK, too, that many times we just need to wait. Just wait and listen for that still, small voice from God.

The workshops followed. There were two tracks, one for couples and another for singles. Being single, I felt I would get the most out of the singles track.   :-)

In the first session, Maddy Issacson and her partner, Sandy Schuster, pastors at Covenant Word Fellowship, talked about looking for a mate, and what to look for in a mate.

Man's way is to first start with the Body (as in, "good looking person"), then look at the Soul (or their mind, if you prefer). Then, if you're still interested -- or even still seeing each other, for that matter -- you consider their Spirit. Maddy stated that God's way was just the opposite. God starts with the Spirit, then works on the Soul and finally worries about the Body. She said that this is the way we should be, too, when looking for a mate. Spirit and spiritual things first, then soul, and finally body.

Some of their other thoughts included....

• You should find someone who compliments your ministry.

• Waiting is good! Look at all the patriarchs in the Old Testament who waited.

• Being intelligent is a requirement -- for both you and your partner.

• Look for a good prayer partner! In fact, they even recommend praying on the first date.

• Give it six months, then decide if you're going to have a committed relationship and sex.

• Finally, they talked about breaking your old "soul ties", things and people from your past that would bind you and hinder you in this new relationship. They talked about renouncing those people and issues from your past in the name of Jesus -- cursing them and making them of no effect. Doing that allows you to go into your new commitment without all the baggage from the past.

Part of this process is making a list of all the people you've had sex with, ever. Writing their names down on 1 or 2 sheets of paper and renouncing each one individually. A couple of us were joking afterwards that it would take a LOT more that 2 pieces of paper to list all the people we've been with over the years.

The second speaker was Randy Duncan, who, along with his partner who was also there, is starting a gay Christian church in rural Indiana.

His texts were ...

• But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. _{(1 Peter 2:9)}, and

• I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. _{(Philippians 4:13)}

Some of his points on relationships included....

• You need to wait upon the Lord, the same as what Sandy had been saying. You want an Isaac in your life, not an Ishmael -- referring to the time when Abraham and his wife got tired of waiting on God's promise for a son and decided to "help God out". (see Genesis 16)

• Love works as you both submit to God. There are going to be times when you're not too happy with your partner. But if you are both submitting yourselves to God in love, God is going to be there to help you work thru the rough spots.

• You need to look for someone who complements you, and is complimented by you. This does not mean, "Oh, that outfit is so YOU!". But someone who can help and support you, can fill in your blank places. And someone that can use your help and support.

• Both of you must submit to God. You always hear that God is the third person in the relationship. Randy made it clear that this is not, like a three-way sort of thing. But, just like God is the father of each of us individually, he also needs to be the "father" of our relationships.

He also talked about the church in general, saying ...

• It's time for the gay church to reach out to the entire community.

• Gays and lesbians are different than everyone else -- they live at a different angle -- and only other gays and lesbians can understand and reach them. If this is hard to understand, think of people like your parents trying to reach the gay community. Odds are, most of the time it's not going to be a good fit.

• Gay Christians need to be visible.

• The important thing is that people need to be delivered from condemnation, not homosexuality. We have a community that's dying, thinking that God has rejected them. It's our responsibility to show them that God has NOT rejected them. We need to expose the lies of the enemy.

And back on relationships...

• Imagine if your relationship with God was 50/50. 50% of the time God would help out, would be there for you, comfort you and love you. The other 50% of the time, you were on your own. But, no, that's not the way it works. God's relationship with us is a 100% commitment. And, so our relationship with our spouse must be the same -- not 50/50, but 100/100.

• Finally, he recognized that our community has a lot of battle scars. We've been thru a lot. Whether we realize it or not, we are survivors!

The evening meeting was another extended session of Praise and Worship, with a short break for Sandy Schuster, who spoke at the first morning session, to speak on the issue of living lives that reflect God's holiness and love. She was very serious about being good stewards and holding up a good example for all to see. She also acknowledged that we can't do it by ourselves, but that we need to allow God to come in and do the housekeeping. God has a great and wonderful plan for our lives, much better that we can imagine. But we need to let God come in to our lives and let him implement it. We can't do "God's work" on our own.

We started the evening service at 6:30 PM and finally wound down around 11 PM. 4 1/2 hours of praise, worship and intimate fellowship with God. If you're into this sort of thing, it was great!

Sunday morning, Dale Jarrett spoke, after about 2 hours of singing and worship, and again encouraged us to get out and share this love we have with the rest of the community.

Then we had to get on the plane and come home. I didn't want to go.

For those who enjoy what I call "getting serious with God", this was a great place to spend the weekend.